Do it all over again, I seem to have to miss you.

/October 2023


if you pay attention, you will find that the most recently pushed illustrations are using Tokyo Women's Atlas, because everyone in the editorial department has been chasing it recently. We are also going to talk about the feelings brought to us by the show from different angles.

in the Tokyo Women's Atlas, Naoki is the first good man Aya met after she went to Tokyo. Born in a small city, he is as simple as Aya, and he can understand how urgent it is for Aya, who has just arrived in Tokyo, to face what looks like a "fashionable" life.

naturally, the two of them became a couple, struggling together in Tokyo and living a life of not being rich but not embarrassed together. Naoki would wait for Ayakami to get off work every day and then walk home with her.

this is Aya's first relationship since she arrived in Tokyo.

insipid and happy.

at that time, Ayakami raised her slightly childish face and swallowed the whole octopus she had handed over. Naoki looked at her so bluntly in front of her and smiled as gently as water.

but one morning, Aya looked at Naoki sleeping beside her. She, who should have achieved great happiness in such a stable life, remembered why she came to Tokyo in the first place.

she said: "I am very happy with Naoki. It really makes me feel deeply happy." However, there is a problem, after all, if it is this kind of happiness, it is everywhere in Akita (the hometown that Aya has always hated). Is it enough to spend time in Tokyo and work in a fashionable city and a fashionable company? "

Aya finally left Naoki because that kind of happiness was too common.

in the ten years since she left Naoki, she went on a date at a Michelin restaurant that she could not afford before, fell in love with a rich second generation with an annual salary of 800W, finally learned about "luxury" in her relationship with a luxury store owner, and tried to marry a man who had bought a high-end apartment.

Yes, Aya seems to be getting closer and closer to the extraordinary life she wants, but every pore in her life seems to be emitting a sense of powerlessness and vicissitudes after being tortured: the rich second generation broke up with her without a word. She found that she was no more than someone else's mistress.

the man who promised to support her ideal just wanted a full-time wife.

after walking around, she went back to the original octopus restaurant. There, she met Naoki, whom she had not seen for a long time. I was just about to say, "long time no see."

but I saw a little girl run to Naoki and shouted, "Dad."

her sentence "long time no see" was stuck in the throat and rotted in my heart by Naoki's family.


this reminds me of someone, my first love.

in the three years with him, we have experienced a lot. We used to walk through the streets, save up meagre living expenses to eat Japanese food restaurants in the small town, we walked the school road with umbrellas on a rainy day, and we lay on the sofa together, brushing "Naruto", the hottest beast of the year. He took me to take a taxi. He used to take me to the hospital covered with rash on a rainy night, and I stayed up late in the cold night to knit an ugly scarf for him.

well, at that time, we were very happy until I got the offer of a big company in Shenzhen.

that day, he didn't know where to learn about it. Instead of asking me, he took me to the Japanese restaurant we often went to, but ordered a lot of food surprisingly. The child next to him was quarrelling with his parents to eat the potato tower on the street corner, the father was coaxing, and the mother was feeding the eel.

the warm light of the store fell on them, and two large and one small shadows were swaying on the floor, and he froze sideways and sighed, "this is so nice." I am silent.

he took me home that night, hugging me tightly and saying nothing, and the moon above my head was unseemly beautiful.

my ambition and you, I finally chose myself.

my good friend Big Bear once asked me, if you like him, can't you sacrifice for him?

at that time, my answer was no.

I always thought I could pay a lot of time, money and energy for love, but in the end I was reluctant to sacrifice my future.

I finally understand that what I can give for love is real things, and ambition, greed, these are my essence, these are me, I am loyal to me and can not give up, I admit that I am just a selfish human being.

We all know in our hearts that he can't give me a vast sky, I can't settle down, he won't keep me, and I can't take him away.

in the end, we didn't break up, just the moment the plane left the runway-I knew it was over.


I remember Aya's mother in the play said: "Women always want to have the same things as others, so they get together with everyone and grow up together."

although I don't want to admit it, I can't agree to more.

and these "other people's things" are not only material, but also include our ambitions, our dreams, our courage to pursue longing for life and let go of our feelings.

so I chose to be the second Aya.

some people think this is greed.

but for any girl, even if we keep telling ourselves that enough is enough, we can still find our "little greed" and "small ambition" in life.

such greed is not a fault, but a sin for those who do not want to make an effort. Fortunately, the heroine never gave up her work, so when Aya, the heroine of greed, finally cried and said, "it turns out that someone really saw my efforts," I stayed up late to revise my copywriting and hid in the rental room. turn around and look at this one I spent a hundred dollarsThe fast-paced city, which she tried hard to adapt to, also followed her in tears.

because like her, I have worked really hard for a long time.

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it's just that many years later, I looked at the table eating alone, the brown sugar water I made when I was my aunt, and the needles inserted into my veins in the hospital, all of which made me miss the rare happiness I used to have.

I'm on my way to pursue the life I want. I'm on my way through all the difficulties.