I avoided all the quarrels, but still didn't avoid the breakup.
in high school, on his first day with his girlfriend, Lao Yan broke out in the cold war and broke out successfully because of the so-called "personality disagreement". Under the mediation of friends, coupled with the fact that both of them really like each other, they had a relationship that lasted for two years.
maybe there are some personality differences. In the first year, the two still quarreled every day. At that time, Weibo was still very popular, and I was refreshed every night by the Weibo that the two of them "separated" each other.
Lao Yan blames each other for being unreasonable, and the other person sneers at Lao Yan for being inconsiderate. After half an hour of cynicism, the two will tacitly delete all "War Weibo".
but helplessly, every time the quarrel is about to break up, Lao Yan will write a lot of touching words to admit his mistake. Then the two get back together, continue to argue, then get back together, and then quarrel again.
finally, Lao Yan, who could not stand the quarrel, first made a change to rein in his character. Even if he felt uncomfortable with this contradiction, he would still use "coaxing" to resolve the quarrels one after another.
I asked Lao Yan why you didn't say it if she made you feel uncomfortable. Lao Yan shook his head and said, "it's no use talking. People just keep quarreling. I might as well hold back my emotions and coax her." Since she can't change it, I'll change it. "
"as for those emotions, I think I can stand them as long as I like them enough."
well, in retrospect, Lao Yan was right, because they broke up.
but the old face before the breakup probably really likes each other.
when he is so domineering that he dares to quarrel with his teacher in the office, he is willing to restrain all his emotions and reasons and try his best to make each other happy.
he is really trying to coax and be patient, and this effort is visible to everyone around him.
conspicuously, even the other person can feel that Lao Yan's "tolerance" is actually trying to avoid something.
but just because you don't argue doesn't mean you don't have a sad time.
Lao Yan seems to have specially created a corner in his heart, and then piled up these sorrows there, and once the lights were turned off, those sorrows could not be seen.
in this way, another year later, Lao Yan was the first to break up, saying she didn't like it. The other party asked why he suddenly didn't like it, but Lao Yan couldn't say.
during the breakup, she said: "I don't think I know you at all later. I don't even know why I broke up." I'm trying, but you don't seem to have given me a chance to understand you. "
Lao Yan told me that he was sad, but he was indifferent.
he didn't write a lot of words to try to change anything, and he stopped posting emotional Weibo announcements.
his hot love seemed to come to an end, and even he felt puzzled that he didn't know where the other person who liked him so much at that time had gone.
but as onlookers, we certainly know why Lao Yan became like this.
while Lao Yan just pretends not to know.
when I was having midnight snacks yesterday, Lao Yan suddenly asked me, "is it really useful to avoid questions all the time when you are in love?"
I asked him, "if I don't answer your question, will this problem be solved?"
at that time, Lao Yan was silent for a long time, as if collapsed, sighed and said, "I seem to be wrong."
Lao Yan went from quarrelling to forbearance because he felt that the other party could not change. So, out of that strong love, he made a seemingly "great" choice of sacrifice.
but only when you feel that a person can't communicate logically will you "coax" and "spoil" like a child.
then they will ignore all the efforts made by the other party, and even fall into a kind of "I coax the other person very well".
when the other party pours out his true thoughts to Lao Yan, Lao Yan never reveals his true attitude and always goes along with her words. So in the end, he felt that he had seen through him, but he didn't understand him at all.
that's why there is that sentence: "I work hard, but you never seem to give me a chance to understand you."
Who doesn't want to be a bit more radiant in champagne evening dress? Enjoy shopping for that fabulous garment.
there are always people on the Internet who like to say, "Don't reason with girls, buy and buy, coax is enough." when you really use coaxing and buying to get through every contradiction, you will look back and find that while avoiding contradictions, you also turn off the valve of communication.
finally, when I jump out of the matter of Lao Yan, I think of an article I saw before, which probably said: "A girl looking for a boyfriend is not looking for her father, she doesn't need to be reasonable, she just needs to be spoiled regardless of everything."
and what I want to say is that no one should really be desperate to spoil someone, because boys don't fall in love for one more daughter, and not every girl has an Oedipus plot.
now there are too many articles on the Internet to create an atmosphere of "don't reason with girls, just coax hard". In my opinion, these articles do not really regard women as independent individuals. In their logic, it seems that as long as they are good enough to their girlfriends, everything is no longer a problem.
but a relationship that can be maintained only by being "good to you" is not like a relationship at all, it's more like a business.