I can't seem to wait for your "next time" forever.

/October 2023

before the end of the New year, I saw Alin for the last time at a midnight snack stall.

he ordered two bowls of stewed soup, sat down and smiled and said, "the next time we meet is a year later."

I took the teapot and tried to pour water into his cup, and replied to him disapprovingly, "never mind, I'll see you in Hangzhou next time."

I didn't expect him to take away his cup right away and asked me angrily, "when is the next time?"

I didn't react at the moment. I thought it was just a casual remark, but I didn't expect that Arin was so serious that I had to say, "it depends. I'll go when I'm free."

"come on, you say that every time, you might as well not say it at all." He gave me a shout.

"Why are you acting like a little girl? gay is angry in gay." I gave him another kick.

A Lin did not speak, and after a while he suddenly said, "if we always think from the point of view of boys, we will never understand their thoughts and never deal well with them."

whenever a golden sentence comes out of Arin's mouth, I will sit up straight and begin to listen carefully to his story.

that night happened to be the third month that Arin was single again, that is to say, three months ago today, he broke up with his girlfriend at that time.

"the reason why I care so much about this' next time'is because I stumbled over this sentence." Arin stared at the lighter in his hand and didn't look at me, as if he was remembering something.

at that time, Arin was very busy and had a headache about his entrepreneurial team every day. Most of the time, he couldn't get away from her. He finally found time for a date, got a call from a client in the middle of the appointment, and chatted in the restaurant for a full hour and a half. Accidentally missed the movie release time.

but she is very good and never disturbs Arin when he is busy, but this makes Arin feel more guilty and always tries to make it up to her.

"Today, I saw a coat that suits you very well in Hattorampterm. Let's buy it together next time."

"I heard that spring is a good time to go to Yunnan. I might as well take you to play later."

Arin has said 'next time' to her many times, and every time she hears something like this, her unhappiness seems to disappear, and Arin seems to let go of the stone in her heart.

"and then?" Seeing that Arin suddenly became hesitant, I had to answer.

that's when he took out his cell phone and showed me their last chat, and she said at that time, "every time you say next time, but when will it be next time? I don't seem to be able to wait, because you'll never care how I feel."

"I promised her a lot of things, but I didn't do it in the end, which was the trigger for us to break up." Arin sighed and said to me, "I thought it was because it was too late, but when I thought about it later, it was because I didn't care enough."

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in a relationship, it is clear that those important people should be the highest priority, but people are always easy to take what they already have for granted, with the mentality that "you are there all the time anyway." the mentality that there is no hurry to do some things next time, and make promises one after another.

people are used to waiting for each other's disappointment to accumulate to a certain extent, and wait until they lose it before they begin to know how to cherish what they have.

after the soup was served, Arin suddenly asked me, "do you remember when we were kids, we always stayed in front of a toy store and couldn't take our eyes off the Gameboy in the owner's hand?"

he told me that at that time he agreed with his father to buy him a Gameboy as long as he won the first place in the final exam.

later, Arin worked hard for this agreement for a long time and really won the first place in the exam, and Arin's father really took him to the store to buy the game console he had in mind.

A Lin was there for a long time, and after choosing the color style, his father told him with a guilty face that he forgot to bring his wallet when he went out today, and at that time, the smartphone was not even alive, let alone mobile phone payment.

so he had to give up and go home angrily. At that time, in order to comfort him, his father also promised to come out and buy you a better one next time.

less than two days later, Arin learned that his father was going on a business trip and would not be back until two months later.

"I remember those 60 days, and I probably got through it by counting them." Remembering the past, he gave me a wry smile.

Arin is not good at asking, but his father is good at forgetting, so two months later, neither father nor son mentioned it again.

this agreement seems to have never existed, but the feeling of disappointment is really reflected in Arin's heart.

when Arin inadvertently mentioned the matter again many years later, his father joked and said to him, "there is such a thing. If you don't say I forgot, why don't you go and buy it now?"

at that time, he echoed his father's smile, but he didn't know what to say.

"later, I found out that what I did to her when I grew up was no different from what my father did to me when I was a child." Finally, Alin said to me, "in this way, I seem to understand her disappointment."

have you found that breaking a promise always brings disappointment, and it has nothing to do with sex? this is not the prerogative of little girls.

if we had learned to think of others earlier, to feel the pain of waiting for the fulfillment of our promises and the disappointment of breaking our promises, we might all be more comfortable with each other.

but unfortunately, just like that oneEveryone has an unfulfilled promise, and not everyone has a chance to do it all over again.

in fact, there is nothing wrong with the promise. It is like a beautiful gift in the distance. Although it can not be touched, it makes people believe that the gift will get closer and closer with time, so it is worth waiting for.

and the "next time" they talk about is always adding a clock to this time, making the original beautiful gift into a mirage, promising but out of reach.

it won't tell you when to arrive, nor will it tell you, "it's impossible." it just leaves you with a long wait.

but all expectations are timely. Boys do not envy the toys they missed at the age of eight, and girls no longer covet the clothes popular last year, no matter what they desire, the places they want to go, and the feelings they miss. It's just the same thing.

but the "disappointment" thing is persistent.

A promise that cannot be fulfilled is actually better than no promise, at least not too disappointing.

yesterday I saw A Lin's signature changed into an English sentence with the words\ "All or nothing,now or never.\"

when I saw this sentence before, I always thought it was extreme, but now when I think about it, when I think about it, there are only 0 and 1 in the matter of "commitment". Only if I have done it and I haven't done it, extreme doesn't seem to be a bad thing at all.

good night.