I still love this lousy life.

/October 2023


I know better than anyone that it is because of this era that I have the opportunity to communicate with more than 200,000 people.

if it had been ten years ago, this would have been impossible. Because at that time I was still reading the first year of junior high school, my favorite game was Chenghai 3C (a map of Warcraft). For this game, I tried not to go anywhere on the third day of the Lunar New year, the fourth day of the Lunar New year and the fifth day of the year.

I was almost beaten to death by my father that year.

several good friends and I also set up a team in the name of our village, and then played thousands of games on the online battle platform, with a winning rate of an appalling 90%.

Show a sense concinnity and harmony when in our modest prom dresses. The confidence that you inspire will amaze you.

at that time, I wholeheartedly regarded CH3C as the ultimate ideal of my life, because I had become a master from a veteran, and my goal was the master of the master, in short, the pinnacle.

but at that time, I never thought that my beloved CH3C would decline rapidly because of the emergence of League of Legends, and even I myself became a senior player of League of Legends. And in the early morning of ten years later, I turned on my computer because I couldn't sleep and wrote the game I once loved so much in an insignificant tone.

this may be the way life is. After a few years, what you thought was important will become part of your memory, and it will be stacked in the corner by you, scrubbing and showing off from time to time.

so when I was a pseudo-Internet addict ten years ago, it was difficult for me to have anything to do with the word "writing". And at that time, adults played Sina blogs, and we kids, in order to prove that we were very aggressive, did not hesitate to use the account of Dream Journey to the West to sign up for NetEase blogs, and then spent the whole afternoon constantly opening and closing the page in order to browse the "number of visitors" data.

at that time, no young people would write on the Internet, because at that time they were all famous people like Han Han, Mingyue (the author of "those things in the Ming Dynasty"). They are so strong that they make us feel that we are middle school students with no literary hope.


but when I grew up, I found that this era seemed to have become more benevolent, and it was finally willing to give us young people a little space to play at will. If you do well enough, you can perform on this stage for fifteen minutes. If you don't do well, you don't have to worry about losing face, because there is so much information that no one will pay attention to you who did not do well.

and I seem to have seized this rare opportunity to get on this train in 14 years, and then drive from the ground to the sky like the train in Harry Potter.

I know that too many official accounts don't have such messy luck. It took us two and a half years to go from zero to 100000. But there are more original authors who struggle for half a year or even a year, and eventually only a few thousand people read it, and then the author has to say at the end of each article: "sharing is the greatest appreciation of this article."

but in fact, only a few people appreciate it, and even fewer people share it.

I'm not saying that the ultimate goal of every official account is to spread, but I always have a question that I can't figure out: if it's not to find a reader who matches you, why do you choose to write an official account instead of a diary?

since we have all chosen this path, we might as well admit it generously, so that we can find out what we do not want to see through this matter, that is, "We are far from strong enough."

but this conclusion is not unique.

I have been watching a very interesting official account recently, whose name is Changji negative Food. There is an interesting message behind one of its articles, and the reader says: "you are a person with a story and depth, a good grasp of hot spots, and know what your readers are thinking."

author Chen Chang replied: "I really don't know what other people are thinking, but I know that many people are like me, so I can only write about myself. This is my greatest luck."

that is to say, if an article is rarely read, it is probably because the author of the article is so special that it is difficult for him to find readers who can resonate with him.

I've been thinking about it for a long time. Chen Chang should be right.


the hottest word in 14 years was "Wechat bonus", while the official accounts that rose at that time were uniformly referred to as "those who ate the last wave of dividends".

at that time, of course, I didn't have that sense of touch to compete with others. Looking at all kinds of marketing numbers, people around me advised me not to write such a long article, but to write more articles about unexpected accidents and similar "surprises". After watching it, men and women cry! "such a title.

I refused all of them because I always felt that those practices were contrary to my values. But values still can't resist the temptation of capital, and in 15 years I worked for a cultural communication company, where I was an unnamed official editor.

the boss at that time said to me, "it's good to be disorganized, but give it up. It can't be hot. How can anyone read those articles now?" Everyone just wants to be fast, just want to have fun. "

so I wrote down these two words and readily devoted myself to the marketing industry, but the good times did not last long. In the first article, I was rejected more than ten times by my boss for reasons such as "boring", "too verbose" and so on.

after struggling for eight hours, I finally gave up and finally admitted to my boss, "I can't get up."

I was so lost that I couldn't sleep the night I left, but I got better the next day. I comforted myself like this: "not bad, at least I passed the interview."

later, when I had the opportunity to chat with my former boss, he said earnestly, "I finally know why your account is up, because you never want to attract fans who are happy as long as you are happy."

although I remember telling him about it the first time I met him, I hastened to say "thank you", both for his shock and for giving up on me that night.

after all, it was because of that marketing number that I knew how much I liked to write such long-winded articles.

with the arrival of 17 years, the data of most marketing numbers have dropped by leaps and bounds, so I dare to secretly say to others, "look, I was right."

but I really didn't expect that the teenager who was an Internet addict at that time actually wanted to tell a story, and the sophomore who "quit when he was in trouble" accidentally hit the last bus with this bonus. When I look back on myself at that time, I always feel that I am a problem left over from the times. I never feel that my life will get better and better, but my life seems to be moving towards "getting better and better".

that's wonderful.

at this point, it's 5:29 in the morning. Looking from the balcony of the dormitory, the sky outside is dark purple, and every now and then birds are reminding me that it's time to go to bed.

but I don't want to sleep yet, because I want to prove to you that

as long as you are willing to torture yourself, you will be able to see the light.

if you are still up, I want to say "good morning" to you.