I thought I'd be your main character.

/October 2023


in high school, the universal value is: as long as you get good grades, you will be respected by everyone.

A Shu himself thinks the same way. He firmly believes that what he doesn't have now will one day come back to him because of his efforts-just like the teachers and parents said.

at that time, the post-it note on A Shu's desk said, "if you work hard enough, you can become the protagonist of life."

he does not play the computer, does not communicate, is not good at words, does not pay attention to collocation, and is not liked by girls, as if the whole meaning of life is the stack of "three-year simulations of the five-year college entrance examination." there is almost no bright spot except for good grades.

but it doesn't matter, because he can easily solve the last question on the math paper, and he ranks first in every monthly exam in our intermediate high school.


but I don't envy A Shu at all. That kind of nerd life is too boring.

I have learned two musical instruments. I sing beautifully, and there is no lack of the pursuit of little girls. I have been the president of the school's student union and can blend in with bad students.

although my grades are not outstanding, in my opinion, this is what life should be like.

I can always get all kinds of small achievements easily, and all of A Shu's achievements are only because he is working hard, and he can only do so, otherwise he has nothing.

and I always think that I just don't want to work hard for the time being, and I don't want to waste all my youth on boring exercises. As long as I work hard for a while at the right time, I will be able to shine more brightly.

at that time, I believed that I should be the protagonist of life, not someone like A Shu who only knows how to take exams.


but the "right time" seemed to joke with me and stood me up again and again.

until the college entrance examination, I did not make any "enviable" results.

and A Shu's name was unexpectedly pulled into a banner and hung on the school gate-as the only student in our class who was admitted to 985 University, the school was showing off and his mother was showing off.

this suddenly made me realize that "perseverance" may not be a choice, but more an ability, and this ability can only be found in a few people.

"maybe this kind of person should be the protagonist of life." I kept mumbling in my heart that night.


when I saw A Shu again, it was the winter vacation of my sophomore year, at a midnight snack stand.

"you know, now I have become an out-and-out low achiever, and I don't seem to see my future."

A Shu told me that after he got to college, he still worked as hard as before, but his grades hovered on the brink of failing.

"I was so anxious that I thought I didn't work hard enough, so I spent more time and energy soaking in the library. As a result, I found that those questions seemed to become more and more difficult, and later I couldn't even brush them."

however, this is not the saddest thing. What is even more sad is that he wants to make money, only to find that he can do nothing but hand out flyers and pretend to be dolls; he wants to deal with good people, only to find that he is neither sociable nor attractive.

"once I thought that as long as I studied well, it didn't matter if I didn't shine anywhere else, but now I find myself so mediocre that I don't even know where to go."

"maybe that kind of person should be the protagonist of life." Finally, A Shu said to me with his eyes closed.

"that kind of person" refers to his roommates. They either start their internship at BAT in their junior year, or they have already got a graduate program in our department. If not, they all know what kind of company they are looking for to hone, but he is still in a daze and doesn't know where to go.

this is probably the time when A Shu and I are most in agreement, and we have reached a sad consensus: most of us are small potatoes.


I had a meal with A Shu during the Spring Festival. The other day, he told me that his father had been slipped away recently before he went to the ghost gate.

"one second my dad was standing on the balcony smoking as usual. All I heard was a bang, and the next I saw him fall to the ground without any warning."

at that time, A Shu knew nothing. After taking his father to the hospital, he could only nod calmly to what the doctor said, pretending to be the backbone of the family.

"it's true that after 11 days of hospitalization, a heart bypass operation emptied the family's savings for several years."

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"fortunately, the operation was successful. I can't imagine how I would face life and replace him to support this family if my father fell down at that time." When A Shu recalled the incident, there was still a look of fear on his face.

when I was about to check out, I accidentally caught a glimpse of the post-it note torn off the desk in A Shu's wallet. after several years, the paper had faded, but the pen edge was still strong.

"as long as you work hard enough, you can become the protagonist of life."

this picture makes me feel very helpless. I always feel that how strong the pen is on the post-it note at that time, and how powerless the look on A Shu's face is now.


I have been looking for A Shu these days when I came to Beijing. He told me that he had found an internship, typing the code crazily every day as if he were doing exercises crazily in high school, and I told him that I had found what I wanted to do and was constantly working on it.We are more mature than before, because we finally admit that we are a small potato and do not have any extraordinary talent or background. Accepting this didn't make us give up. Instead, we got another consensus:

"even though we are small potatoes, we should be a little stronger."


I don't know if you have noticed, but the messy bottom introduction has changed.

in the past, we liked to advertise ourselves as "interesting" and "independent", but later we found that we were not only not interesting, but a group of boring and unpositive people. We can't smile in the face of anything bad, nor can we deliberately say to others when we are sad: "it's okay, I'm fine."

because we are the most common group of college students, the only difference with you is that we prefer to use words to express our emotions, that's all.

so we decided to make a small change, changing the bottom introduction to: "We want to give you a reason to continue to face this lousy life."

because what we write is our own story, A Shu's story, and your story.

you would agree, wouldn't you?

good night.