The new semester has begun, and I am a little panicked.
I wanted to rot at home in the last few holidays, so much so that my mother forced my mother to drive me away with a stick before school began. But this winter vacation, I went back to school a week early in my mother's frightened eyes.
when I was having dinner with a senior brother, I learned that after he returned to school so early, he would go to Shenzhen for another two-month internship a few days later. "the next time we meet, it's probably time for me to take graduation photos," he said with a smile. "
I sighed how fast it was, and I couldn't help but panic. I like "not doing my job". I use the sentence that I haven't graduated yet as an excuse for being capricious. But I know very well that after he has taken the graduation photo, I will be next.
maybe it's because graduation is within reach. In the second semester of junior year, many people suddenly rush forward like crazy. A few days ago, when I went downstairs to buy breakfast at more than nine o'clock in the morning, I came across a friend who had just returned from work outside.
and some good people have found offer, some are going to have a second round of re-examination today, and some people go back to school for a training course on the third day of the New year. Even friends who only play computer games in their lives have been forwarding some data collections recently.
these people around me have really gone too far. Their achievements and efforts are like driving ducks. I move forward, who is useless but really want to do something, without even paying attention to my own awkward posture.
A Zhou is one of those people who go too far, because she has to go back to school many days before I do her internship. The day before I went back to Guangzhou, I noticed that she was in a bad mood, so I asked her to have dinner with her when I came back.
she didn't have to go to work that day. I thought she would eat and sleep like a holiday and beat the king, so when she told me that she was studying in the library, I once suspected that she was the motivation to express her failure and turn grief into learning.
during the meal, I obviously felt her absent-mindedness. She usually laughed so low that I was a little disgusted that she didn't laugh much during the whole meal, and even told me that she would go back to study after dinner.
on the way back, she told me: "now my internship always feels like I haven't learned anything, and I've almost forgotten the knowledge I signed up for before. I think I'm very bad." I'm not in a bad mood, but I don't know what to do. "
I wanted to comfort her, but I was a little helpless. As an intern in VIPSHOP, she got a higher GPA than me, and even signed up for a class to learn a lot of skills that I had never heard of. She is in an ideal state that I think is perfect, and I panic even more when such a person personally tells me that she is panicked about the future.
I can't help but wonder whether those who took the offer panicked, those who passed the reexamination panicked, and those who looked beautiful to me panicked.
in the afternoon, Lao Yan accompanied me in the coffee shop to rush the manuscript, and suddenly there was a beautiful girl sitting opposite. When I was in the middle of writing, I couldn't help but aim at her, and finally I changed my seat in a breath.
Lao Yan said with a laugh, "this is the first time I've seen you so restrained." I sighed helplessly: "the more I look, the more panicked I am. I used to think about how to chat up a beautiful girl, but now I don't even have the idea of accosting me."
after saying this, I was stupefied for a moment. In fact, I often shamelessly put love in a very front position, and now it is suddenly left behind by me, and there is something that I have moved to the front naturally.
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in fact, no one forced me to go back to school early, and no one forced A Zhou to make progress. It was everyone who had a hard time with their own lives. We felt that it was not good enough, and it was not what we wanted.
I panicked because I was afraid that when I had the opportunity to improve my ability and bridge the gap between ideal and reality, I didn't do it well.
in the final analysis, all my panic comes from knowing that I am not worthy of the life I want.
I kept a heavy face all the way back, and I wondered if this senseless panic was really valuable and necessary.
halfway through, I heard passers-by laughing and laughing about where to travel this semester, and suddenly realized that not everyone would panic.
when I still panic, it shows that I am not satisfied with my life, that I still have a desire for the future, and most importantly, panic is not despair, panic shows that I believe that I have the ability to do something.
the few days left in college will invisibly magnify this panic, which may be the reason why I suddenly have so many enterprising people around me. Everyone was pushed forward at a loss.
although the posture is a little awkward, at least I moved on.