Would you like your parents to find a job for you after graduation?

/October 2023

my friend Ah Hang has not been very happy in college in the past two years. The major and school that I wanted to apply for were stopped by my parents and changed to something else. The good name was for her good.

she told me, "everyone in the family is an official, and her parents hope that after graduation she will be able to enter the government and get involved in politics like the rest of the family. Everything she chooses now is to pave the way for the future. The school, because relatives in the school is the director, said that in order to have problems can help me at any time. But I know it's for surveillance. "

once I cut off a job message to show her, in a media company about basketball, and said to her, "if I can't find a job after graduation, I will go here."

in the dialog box, Ah Hang left only two words: good. In that traditional family, having no choice is the reason and helplessness.

A Hang likes sneakers and basketball. She wants to work in a place with a basketball atmosphere, but she hasn't told her family this idea. She knows that no one will support it.

A Hang said: "when I was choosing college, I had a fierce argument with my family. in order to make me obedient, seven aunts and eight aunts, relatives and friends came to my house to persuade me about this, saying that my parents chose this for your own good. If you don't accept the arrangement, you don't know how to brainwash me. "

"due to family reasons, parents really pay more attention to social status and a so-called sense of superiority. I am an only child, and they can only pin all their hopes on me."

sometimes, if you don't compromise, your parents will say that you are not grown up or sensible. You compromise, but you always feel ashamed of yourself. Young people tend to worship freedom and pursue their dreams. Parents often tend to be conservative and be at ease.

my father told me that at the age of 18.19, he coincided with the period of rapid economic development in Shenzhen, when he and several brothers planned to go to Shenzhen to work in real estate and other jobs, thinking that this must be a great opportunity.

but grandma in the family is a strong person. she hopes that her children can always stay with her parents and firmly opposes her father's going to Shenzhen. After that, she arranged for her father to go to one of her friends to study interior design to prevent her father from thinking of running out.

Dad said: "over the years, I understand that Grandma is worried that her son is going to do something full of unknowns. Her arrangement does make my life carefree, but who doesn't want to go out and have a better life. I'm really sorry to see that all the brothers who go out have a career."

"getting" is our obsession. All we can think about is how to get it.

and "do not lose" is what parents want. After decades of wind and rain, parents have weakened their desire to "get". They want to make sure that "what they have got" does not lose.

but lose and gain coexist, do not lose how to know how to get lucky, do not know how to understand the sensitivity of loss.

parents'"for your own good", in order to arrange, pave the way for you and let you live a stable life, saying "for your own good" is like a shackle that makes you at a loss as to what to do.

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our parents are getting older, and they have come from that era of division. At that time, it was full of authority, full of unfreedom, and deeply influenced their thoughts. They think that "raising children to guard against old age", their children should listen to their ideas, with authority can not resist, they think that their children must be right to listen to them.

some of them still have the old ideas. A friend has been out to work for two years. When he comes home during the holidays, his mother still tells him to look for a job in those government units, which are state-run, and asks him from time to time whether he wants to take the civil service examination or not. He said that the welfare of his aunt and son who played cards together was so good in the government.

he said that in his mother's eyes, the work of the government is always better than that of private and foreign enterprises.

it is undeniable that some of the values and ideas of parents have long been out of line with the times, and there is a growing gap with us at the ideological level. Most of what we say is what they don't understand.

sometimes I even think: don't try to change your parents' mind, because you can't change it, just as your parents can't change your mind.

A Hang was going back to Xiamen a few days ago. I had dinner with her, and she showed me an entry notice, "this is my interview before the holiday. It's a job in a new media. I'm going to report on that internship in a few days."

I said, "Don't your parents object?"

she said, "I don't know. I told them to go back to school to prepare for the examination. there are still a year and a half to graduate. I want to work hard during this period of time. If I can make some achievements, I have to refuse my parents to oppose it after graduation. As for the future, we'll see. "

indeed, achievement is the capital of "negotiation" with parents. If your parents give you a job, it is better to communicate more. There is always an overlap of values between you and your parents. Don't be radical or extreme. Don't let them run away from home without saying goodbye as a sign of resistance, and don't be unwilling to accept the arrangement.

it's better for both sides to give each other a time limit, five or three years, during which time to fight for your ideals and do what you want to do. If you have achievements, I believe your parents will not interfere with your career. If there is no direction within the time limit and still drifting, it is a good idea to follow your parents' advice again.

whether you should listen to your parents or not, no one knows the answer and no one knows the consequences. If you want to live up to yourself, do things beautifully, and make up for your parents, it's for the best.

good night.