A woman has to go through four times in her life.
there is an European saying:
"although you are only once young, you may be immature indefinitely."
I think so.
the maturity of women is not increasing with age, it is a kind of
go all the way, let go of the sobriety all the way.
you know, a life that is too persistent is a disaster, and letting go is a sign of maturity.
truly mature women, with these four times to let go, complete self-transformation.
Let go of the obsession without chance
Yi Shu wrote in his book "I Love, I don't Love":
"the love that really belongs to you will not cause you pain, and the one who loves you will not ask you to worry about gain or loss. Whenever you feel hard, you must make a mistake. You need to end in time and start all over again."
the love you ask for but not get, the pain lies in missing the chance, and the pain lies in persistence.
in the TV series falling in love with the Big Dipper boyfriend, Cai Shumeng, played by Wu Xin, has such an experience.
because she likes it, Cai Shumeng works hard to provide each other with better resources.
it is no exaggeration to say that she is responsive to every request, on call, and does everything she can to win the other party's attention.
but the other party, in the face of her pursuit, expressionless, and even looked down on her, hoping that she would disappear.
in real life, there are not a few such women.
the goddess Maggie Cheung once fell out with her best friend Zhong Chuhong for er Dongsheng's sake.
others want to be exposed for the sake of development, but she gives up fame and wealth and is willing to put love first, hoping to spend her whole life with each other in raising children.
but love is a thing that cannot be exchanged for happiness by one party's efforts alone.
it's like a saying:
"people who really like you won't like the way you pretend to be humble to please."
Love is beautiful, but can not be forced to come, too persistent, but ruined their own good time.
to cover a lukewarm heart, don't force it, learn to let go and stop the loss of feelings in time, is a good end.
if you let others go, you will fulfill yourself.
Let go of deliberate maintenance
there is a saying in Zhuangzi Mountain trees:
"the friendship of sages is as insipid as water, not yet vain."
the relationship between friends is light but not greasy, and it lasts the most.
the friendship between gentlemen is as light as water, time can not take away true friends, those who need to deliberately maintain friendship, not only short, but also bitter themselves.
in the Swordsman, the female hunter quickly wishes the tree of friendship evergreen, so she tries her best to please her friends.
when she rushed to do the dirty work and others asked for help, she agreed without saying a word, and the mantra was "Let me do it."
but hard-maintained friendship is as fragile as glass.
she compares her talents with Xiao Guo, betting on who loses and who leaves the inn.
my friends all turned to Xiao Guo and completely forgot the help she had usually helped.
this scene makes people sad. I wish it unparalleled, just like Jiang Fanzhou said:
"I became a flatterer because I wanted others to like me too much."
not long ago, actor Qin Hailu asked Liu Tao, "Why do you only have two girlfriends?"
Liu Tao's words are brilliant, sonorous and forceful: "because I am still very picky, I don't have time to be nice to everyone."
Liu Tao, who does not deliberately please his friends, is surrounded by real friends.
Mo Yan once said: "deliberately to be liked, what can only be damaged is self-dignity."
True friendship lies in the heart and does not need to be maintained deliberately.
you don't have to invite too many "friends" into your life for the rest of your life. Three or two bosom friends are enough.
Let go of high expectations
"disqualification in the world" says:
"if there is no excessive joy, there is no extreme sadness."
sometimes, high expectations often bring harm to us.
it makes us unconsciously fall into beautiful fantasies, which in turn affects the emotional quality of reality.
I remember that in a variety show, actor Zhao Yihuan talked about his near-perfect expectations of his boyfriend.
in order to help her boyfriend lose weight, she put down her harsh words: "if you don't practice your six-pack abs, you won't propose!"
although Zhao Yihuan is for the sake of her boyfriend's health, the higher the expectation, the greater the disappointment.
boyfriend secretly eats all kinds of snacks secretly. When Zhao Yihuan found out, he scolded and broke up in discord.
coincidentally, in the popular TV series "Thirty", Gu Jia had high expectations for her husband Xu Fengshan, and he was not allowed to eat sweets, have dinner, play football or produce fireworks.
as a result, instead of living as she imagined, her husband cheated on Lin Youyou.
too high expectations will intangibly become a kind of control, not only suffering each other, but also hurting themselves.
Don't control me with love, it says:
"most people who are too controlling, consciously or unconsciously, take coercive behavior to meet a special need, which is likely to run counter to their original good purpose."
in marriage, the most taboo is the fantasy of "perfect".
A mature womanPeople, will put down excessive expectations, with an ordinary heart to love, to face.
only in this way can we find the small fortune given by each other in our lives.
put aside the lingering nostalgia
A writer once said:
"the so-called father-daughter mother-son fight only means that your fate with him is that you are constantly watching his back drifting away in this life, and he tells you with his back that you don't have to chase him."
as a mother, no matter how much she loves her child, she should also learn to let go of her nostalgia.
you know, we will not hover over our children like helicopters at any time.
with the passage of time, children will eventually grow up, and they will have their own lives.
after actor Zhang duo got married, the mother was reluctant to give up her son and habitually "interfered" in his life.
if her son is away for too long, she will be angry; if her son and wife are too sweet, she will be jealous.
Zhang duo's father once enlightened his wife:
"Don't get involved in your son's life, distance produces beauty."
Yes, as mothers, children are "a piece of meat" that we have fallen from us, and we should have an inseparable relationship with them.
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this can not only reduce a lot of conflicts between generations, but more importantly, it will enable him to grow up and be on his own in life.
the so-called maternal love is actually a proper way to put it down.
put aside the nostalgia and let the children have their own life.
scientists at University College London have published a study in the Journal of positive Psychology:
parents' excessive desire for control will have a greater negative impact on their children's well-being.
We can often see such news:
David, a 48-year-old son, graduated with a master's degree, but stayed at home and gnawed at his old age.
Ding Grandma, who is suffering from uremia, takes good care of her son's daily life.
growing up, Grandma Ding couldn't let go of her nostalgia for her child and had been escorting him, but she didn't realize that this was digging a hole for the child's life.
now that Grandma Ding is old, she finally can't stand her son's idleness and take her child to court.
and the beginning of all this stems from Ding's obsession with her children.
the more the mother does not let go, the greater the harm to the child, the more difficult it is for the child to grow up.
as a mother, she should always learn to accept her child's drifting away, let her child grow up and let her child gallop freely.
and we will find our own happiness after letting go.
put it down and feel at ease
such a saying has spread on the Internet:
"it is strangers who are most likely to feel warm and surprised, because there is no expectation for them;
the people who are most likely to feel sad and chill are those who are close to them, because you love them. "
A truly mature woman knows how to let go of the world and does not overestimate her feelings or her own weight in the hearts of others.
treat feelings, let go of unlucky persistence, stop loss in time, and don't waste your time and energy.
for partners, let go of excessive fantasies, treat them normally, and do not change each other's character and preferences.
for friends, let go of deliberate maintenance, be more confident, and not interfere with the rights and interests of friends.
for children, let go of their nostalgia, give more support, and do not deprive them of their freedom and rights.
the famous psychologist Alfred Adler once said: "accept the real life, not the perfect life."
truly mature women all know how to let go of their persistence, let go of themselves, and spend the rest of their lives more freely and freely.
, share with your friends.