From today on, I want to take the initiative to you.

/January 2023

I am a very passive person, and the word "active" seldom appears in my life dictionary.

No matter the friends I miss, the girls I like, or even my relatives, I seldom take the initiative to contact them, so that all kinds of group chats fill the home page of my Wechat interface all the year round.

and yesterday afternoon, I finally saw Anan again.

Anan is my best friend of the opposite sex in high school. The reason for using the word "finally" is that we have kept in touch with each other in our moments since graduation, but we have never met offline again, even though we are not far away.

she cut her hair shorter and shorter, like Ah Fei in Chongqing Forest, and my hair grew longer and longer, forming a sharp contrast with her.

the first moment we met, the two of us couldn't help laughing back and forth when we saw the contrast, like the moment when we were walking home from high school, as if time had never passed.

sat with Anan in the coffee shop all afternoon, chatting off and on about countless topics.

what makes me feel most comfortable is that with such a friend, as long as I don't want to talk for a while, I can silently look out of the window at the heavy traffic, and no one will feel the slightest embarrassment.

when I left, I asked her why we hadn't seen each other for so long, and she replied, "because I'm a very passive person, and you never know how to take the initiative."

I smiled and said nothing.

I remember that when my mother missed me at school, she would inexplicably send me a meme. At first, I would reply immediately, thinking that something had happened at home, but every time my mother would say, "it's all right." I just miss you a little. "

after I get used to it, I don't reply so quickly. I often wait for the task at hand to finish, then reply slowly, and occasionally forget.

later, my mother learned a new trick, that is, with a very annoyed look, she coldly threw me a problem on Wechat, a problem that Baidu could solve in one fell swoop.

whenever this is the time, I have to put aside the less urgent things at hand and solve problems for my mother.

it was only later that I found out that my mother would not use Baidu, just to "take the initiative" to find me in a different way.

and my mother needs to do everything possible to "take the initiative", just because I am very unproactive.

Don't you think that sometimes we are used to what others give, but ignore the feedback we should respond to?

when I got home that night, I began to think about who I had met "voluntarily" during the holiday.

during the Spring Festival, I took the initiative to visit relatives, shuttling back and forth between worldly and sophisticated feelings, constantly answering questions from elders in order to appear sensible, and constantly searching in my mind for words suitable for asking questions to them when the scene was deserted, so as not to be embarrassed by everyone.

every time I get home, I feel a sense of fatigue hit me, so that lying in bed, I do not want to move, let alone say a word to anyone.

several times, with a heart to exchange experiences, I asked friends from several different fields to come out. As soon as I sat down, everyone began to talk about O2O, B2C, or KPI,WCI, boasting with various Internet concepts. After one night, everyone felt that he was the new star of the Internet in the future, and Jack Ma's father had to give three points.

I asked myself, are you happy to have an appointment with a friend today? But the answer is no.

in fact, what makes me unhappy is not "I ask out", but "I ask out" is not the person I want to meet from the bottom of my heart, it's just a kind of socialization.

the reason why we always spend time on this kind of social interaction is that such relationships themselves have to be sustained by "initiative".

and what finally disappoints me is that although a lot of energy has been put into these relationships, very few of them can feed you back, both spiritually and in reality.

in contrast, those who are really close to us are always easily put aside, because our subconscious mind always tells ourselves that even if I don't take the initiative to maintain the relationship, it won't fade, and that person won't leave me.

this seems to be a legitimate excuse for people to continue to be unscrupulous about people who are close to them, but to focus on those who always make them feel tired.

maybe it's time for us to ask ourselves if we're putting the cart before the horse when it comes to dealing with relationships.

when Wechat was not popular in the past, I always liked to send messages and make phone calls with my good friends.

in the mobile phone package used at that time, there were 300 free text messages and 200 minutes of talk time per month, which seemed to be a lot, but it was actually very few.

so every time after deducting the monthly rent, I carefully leave every minute and every message to important people, feeling a bit like "spending money on the knife".

only in this way, I will not feel regret or chagrin at the end of each month.

I think it's the same with "taking the initiative". Since we know that everyone's time and energy are limited, we should spend our share in places where we won't regret it.

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when the holiday is coming to an end, I suddenly find that many people I want to see haven't seen yet, but a lot of people who don't matter have seen a lot.

I think it's time to give a little more initiative to those who are really close.

good night.