I'm leaving the mess.

/October 2023

I'm leaving the mess.

I want to say this sentence 100 times. Every time I can't write a manuscript, when I feel like I'm upside down day and night and tired like a dog, I've never said it, because it takes a lot of courage to say it.

I've been in chaos for two years, from freshman, a contributed trial editor, to junior, to become the longest-staying old Youtiao, deputy editor.

A person who stays in the comfort zone for a long time will have a sense of dependence on the status quo. This is my comfort zone.

so I'm afraid. What can I do when I leave?

remember that afternoon when I joined the chaos, I skipped class and lay on my dormitory bed when I received a phone call from a thorn. He said, "I have read your article. Are you free to talk?"

I thought a lot of people interviewed and thought they would be brushed, but obviously I overestimated the number of contributors, maybe most people just wanted to, and I always did it on impulse.

I was the only one at the snack bar in our old campus, and he asked me, do you think you can hold on?

I said, I can't say I can hold on, so I might as well do it first.

then he told me that I was accepted, and I was surprised. I said, I was the one who was brushed off by all the student organizations.

he said, it doesn't matter, me too.

I have been in chaos for two years, from the first article with 800 readings to the most recent article, "every four years, you will meet someone you really like", 40w +.

I have written 200 + articles, more than 40w words, and writing has become one of the things I have persisted for the longest time.

on the way of being pushed, I gradually learned the "routine", how to make eye-catching headlines, and how to write "high-reading" articles.

from the beginning, I persisted in writing for a year without any income, until I could replace my notebook, which had been used for six years from card to explosion, with an mac.

from a person who is so nervous about introducing himself in class that he stutters, to a lecture and interview with 400 to 500 people, he can handle it well.

I knew I had changed a lot.

but at the same time, I have also changed a little. I just look "hard" rather than "progress". I no longer care about the novelty in my life. Obviously have a lot of ideas, but always let themselves think that the status quo is fine, safe and steady.

I stop at the present moment and forget my "tumbling" self.

recently, watching the Tokyo Women's Atlas, I looked at the hostess who was tossing all the way in it, and then remembered that the afternoon when I joined the chaos, my friend asked me why I was doing all this.

I wrote a reply to her that night, and I said, "I've thought that for an unambitious person like me, the worst thing I can do in the future is to be an ordinary clerk from nine to five, while there are still four years left. Don't think about filling out your resume. Whatever you want to try, try it. Anyway, you will become a clerk in the end."

Dreaming for a perfect sexy prom dresses to add to your wardrobe? We're delighted to help you choose your perfect outfit.

and now that the four years of college are almost over, I find that I have stopped for too long, and I think of the things I once wanted to do, such as writing 100 real love stories, such as my professional video writing, and screenplays. All unfinished.

A month ago, I mentioned to the thorns that I wanted to leave for a period of time and do my own thing more independently before graduation. Unexpectedly, instead of stopping me, he encouraged me to do so.

as the last line of Tokyo Women's Atlas says, let's cheer up, one step at a time, because there are still many things we want to do.

so, I'm going to leave the mess, but only temporarily. I'm still a part of the mess, but I won't continue to write. It is not allowed in half a year, or one day after a year, I will come back.

in the following time, I will be more serious to try different possibilities, including my creation of the official account "the Sea of Eel Whale", where I will do three things.

one, set up a relic collection to collect the "relics" of each relationship.

two, stick to a bedtime habit and record "the happiest time of the day" with you.

three, write the true love stories of 100 ordinary people.

these three things, I will hold on until the day I graduate from college. If you are willing to witness, participate, forget and be happy together, you are welcome to come to me.

it was early morning when I wrote that I suddenly remembered staying at school last summer. After tweeting in the early morning, I sat with Zhang Jingshitong c vc at the door of a large stall near the school, facing a table full of barbecue and wine.

at that time, we were so confused and miserable that we couldn't get out of our own little circle. I even said that I hated writing, but then I found out that I didn't hate it, but I just couldn't find the right way. I didn't have anything before, but I still wrote happily.

fortunately, when we were sitting outside the stalls, we all determined the direction we really wanted and worked hard to pursue our ideal lives.

I am the eel whale who wrote the Rosen Trilogy, the eel whale who wrote "I need you, can you stay awake for a while", and the eel whale who wrote "every four years, you will meet someone you really like".

Thank you for your company and tolerance along the way. Good night.