No matter how good you are with others, don't reveal these four secrets. It's not good for you.

/October 2023

in psychology, "open me" and "private me" are both important parts of a person's self.

the open self, which is the self you want others to see, belongs to your public image.

compared to the public self, the private self contains many hidden secrets, such as your dishonorable experience, or ideas and ideas that are not shared by most people.

everyone has secrets that can't be told, and some people are born unable to keep secrets.

this means forcibly turning your "private self" into an "open self" and exposing it to the public, which will not only hurt your self-esteem, but also affect your development, causing a lifetime shadow.

I think that no matter how good the relationship is, these four secrets should be revealed to others as little as possible, otherwise it is easy to set yourself on fire.

one's own hatred

where there is love, there is disgust, which is normal.

when you hate a person, you will put a lot of effort into your subconscious mind. This is the darkest and most secret corner of your heart, and you can't tell it easily.

Lin Meng doesn't like his colleague Lao Wang, because he doesn't study business attentively, but he always flatters the leader. As long as the company has entertainment, he volunteers.

she told her partner Xiaomei about her attitude towards Lao Wang in private. Xiao Mei echoed repeatedly, saying that she couldn't stand people like Lao Wang.

Lin Meng felt comforted.

I didn't expect that Xiaomei later told Lao Wang about it and invited other colleagues to report the group and snubbed Lin Meng, saying that she was always gossiping behind her back.

sometimes you don't know what the relationship is between the person you hate and the person you talk to. If you say the wrong person, it will bring endless trouble.

you know, you hate that person, not necessarily other people hate him, what's worse, maybe they are the same kind.

when we complain about people and things we hate, our emotions will inevitably be magnified and say a lot of negative things. At this time, the person next to you may not understand you and may feel uncomfortable.

you pour out too many words from your heart because of trust, but these words may be accidentally spread to the ears of the parties concerned, or may be misunderstood and spread widely.

so, let me remind you, try not to reveal to people the people and things you hate, let alone dwell on bad people and things.

if it's hard to think of that person, you can talk to other people who have nothing to do with him. If it's a matter of principle, go directly to the person who is really capable of solving the problem and safeguard your rights and interests reasonably.

my own family affairs

what are the parents' bad habits, the boyfriend's income, the relationship between the couple, which training class the children attend, all these, closing the door, are all private matters of your family, and no one else has anything to do with them, let alone them.

especially when there is a conflict with your partner, some people will complain to their friends everywhere, which is a big taboo in the relationship.

it may solve the anger of the moment, but it won't solve the problem, and it may add fuel to the fire and even lead to a breakup.

feelings are private and should not be too exposed.

people have to save face. If you boast about the shortcomings of your family in front of outsiders, it is undoubtedly disrespect for him.

as the old saying goes, the ugliness of the family should not be made public.

turns out to be family ugliness, which is what you think is dishonorable.

tell these things to others, inadvertently complain, it is likely to be a laughingstock, others can not help, and then will spread it everywhere, so that everyone knows.

Family affairs are best understood only when you are in them.

as the person who is most familiar with each other, we should not make public the faults of each other, remember each other's good in heart, read each other's good in our mouth, distinguish what should and should not be said, and not deepen conflicts. Instead, we should work together to run a good family.

one's own pain

sad to share the wrong person, it becomes hypocritical, or a joke.

have seen Zhihu's last hot topic:

"Why is the reason for my collapse always making a mountain out of a molehill in the eyes of others?"

there is a high-praise answer that goes like this:

"because they can only see the last straw that overwhelms the camel, but they can't see the heavy cargo that overwhelms it."

the experience of grief is often the biggest secret at the bottom of one's heart. every time you think of it, you sprinkle salt on your own wound.

sometimes the mood is depressed for too long, the pressure is getting heavier and heavier, and I really want to talk to someone.

then I urge you to find the most trusted person to talk to, otherwise, if you tell those secrets, more people will make you miserable and cause more harm to yourself.

because others may not keep a secret for you, they may use your sore spot as an after-dinner conversation.

after some people know what you care about, they will open your scar again one day, deliberately poke your sore spot, stab you, or even manipulate you.

all kinds of behaviors keep reminding you that those pains will never be relieved.

in this world, there is too little empathy and more self-knowledge.

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in front of others, you will most likely regret your sudden hypocrisy and fragility.

A truly mature person has the ability of self-recovery and will not easily show weakness to others, let alone expose his emotions at will, know how to heal himself, and learn from suffering.

Please remember, don't tell someone about your pain. Only in this way can you protect it.Take care of yourself.

time is the best antidote. Put those unbearable experiences in a corner of your heart and give it a chance to turn the page and start a new life.

your own financial situation

the phrase "talking about money hurts feelings" is actually very reasonable.

the explosion of the "Brother coat" incident confirms this point.

Zhu Zhiwen, an elder brother in coat from the countryside, stood out in the talent show because of his simple and unique singing. Overnight, wearing a shabby army green coat, the impoverished construction worker became a household name.

Brother Coat did not forget his hometown, returned to the village for the benefit of the villagers, built roads for the village, renovated kindergartens, and electrified irrigated fields.

did not expect that the villager was ungrateful and complained that he had done too little.

villagers buy houses and cars, and even children who get married come to him to borrow money. Brother Yi lent more than 1 million yuan in nine years, but no one paid it back.

Brother Coat is ungrateful for all his good deeds. What's more, some villagers even go so far as to say:

"if you want us to say hello to him, one person in my village will buy me a car and give me ten thousand yuan each."

Psychological research shows that people tend not to envy people who have nothing to do with them, but tend to envy those they know.

the more you get to know each other, the stronger your jealousy will be. when you see that the people around you are better than yourself, you are apt to feel psychologically unbalanced.

the financial situation belongs to your own privacy, and once you have been figured out by others, it will only do you harm but not good.

it is impossible to show off your wealth. Some people know that you have a lot of money, so they always make you want to borrow money from you, and it doesn't matter to take advantage of it. People who are jealous of you even do it secretly, dragging you down.

when you are down, don't tell others that some people will look down on you, and be careful that snobs take advantage of others and quietly make themselves strong.

how many secrets does one have to hide in order to spend his life skillfully?

I want to say that there are secrets in everyone's heart. Curious people must not dig the roots and ask the truth, and they should not easily tell it to others, especially their own hatred, family affairs, pain points and assets.

you must guard against others. Keep your mouth shut and guard your heart. Don't get into a steady stream of trouble because of your momentary carelessness.