The most comfortable relationship is to bring coolness to each other.

/October 2023

read at ten o'clock


Japanese writer Aoki Yamada once said:

"A person will meet a lot of people in his life, but really beautiful encounters are rare."

most of the time, some people are too enthusiastic when they don't know you well, and some people think they know you very well and always want to interfere in your life.

in the middle of my life, the more things I experience, the more I feel:

the most comfortable relationship between people is to bring coolness to each other.

such a relationship seems cold, but in fact it lasts for a long time.

shallow and deep, it is a cross-boundary of the relationship

there is a saying in the Rose Garden: "it is better not to speak than to speak; if you do not speculate, it is better to be silent."

everyone has a mouth, but it's important to know what to say in what kind of relationship.

actress Jin Jing once told a story about her relationship with Big S in the program.

Jin Jing said that he likes Big S very much and wants to make friends with her.

by chance, the two became partners.

they are not familiar with each other. When they arrived at the scene, Big S was always very polite and polite to her.

in order to promote their relationship, Jin Jing sent a long message to Big S to express his love for Big S.

but what Jin Jing received was only a polite reply from Big S: "Thank you, and you have to come on tomorrow."

Jin Jing said so much, but got only a few words in reply, she was very disappointed.

some people say, "if you are kind of affectionate, just do something affectionate." Not greedy, not rash, this is the most comfortable state to make others feel together. "

as the saying goes, "A shallow acquaintance and a deep speech are the precepts of a gentleman."

the relationship between people, from nodding to saying everything, is polished over time.

if your feelings are not in place and your words are offside, it will only be counterproductive.

some time ago, a friend went on a blind date, and the other person was excellent in all aspects, but it just made people feel uncomfortable.

she complained to me, "knowing a person is gradual, but as soon as he sits down, no matter whether it is appropriate or not, he confides in me everything. I don't know what to say."

those who dig out their hearts and hearts as soon as they meet, not only do they not bring their relationship closer, but they do not know what to do.

talking deeply is not a shortcut to building a good relationship; enthusiasm is never an effective way to gain sincerity.

maturity but over-moment is an overdraft of the relationship

A netizen once shared such a story:

when she was renting, a girl she had known for a long time asked her if she could share for a while.

because they had a good relationship, she agreed.

at first, the two got along quite well.

Start showing off your stunning figure in our off white gowns for weddings. We have fantastic choices for your important dates!

later, she had a friend for her birthday. She remembered that she had bought two lipsticks, which had been useless, so she wanted to give them to her friend as a birthday present.

she searched for a long time on the dresser and found only one. She didn't think much about it, thinking that she had put it somewhere else.

she said she wanted to buy a foundation and casually asked the girl what brand she was using.

the girl enthusiastically took out her foundation and said she would let her have a try.

while rummaging through her makeup bag, the girl took out a lipstick and said, "this lipstick of yours is of good texture and the color matches my foundation."

she froze for a moment, and the lipstick the girl was talking about was exactly the one she was looking for that day.

"I don't think it's any use keeping it, so I used it. You can't be angry with me about our friendship, "added the girl.

Bondarev said: "the origin of all human suffering stems from the lack of a sense of boundary."

you can always see a lot of such people in your life.

some parents, under the banner of caring for their children, randomly look through their children's diaries, but do not realize that this will embarrass their children.

some friends, relying on their good friendship, repeatedly ask for help and embarrass their friends.

some lovers, through the deep feelings of both sides, unscrupulously do excessive things, and finally break up.

it is a fact that the relationship is familiar, but we should not be ignorant of moderation and principle just because we are familiar with it.

like a passage by Bi Shumin very much:

learn to be close to our parents and listen instead of following orders.

is closely related to the lips and teeth of the people we love, but not confused;

be both teachers and friends with our children, loving but not arranged.

and our friends, know each other without crossing the line.

No matter how good the relationship is, no matter how close the person is, the feelings will be exhausted in the out of line again and again.

too much enthusiasm is destined to be a disaster

I saw a topic on Zhihu: "at what moment do you think you and TA can no longer be friends?"

A netizen shared his story: six months ago, I decorated my new house and asked my friends to go to the building materials market.

my friend is a very enthusiastic girl who has been giving me advice all the way.

the new house is a three-bedroom, and she suggested that I convert it into a Nordic minimalist style, which can improve my taste.

She also asked me to turn the small room into a cloakroom. It would be nice to have my own cloakroom.

when she wandered to the home appliance area, she said, "Don't install the TV. Who watches TV now? it's better to have a projector in the room. It works well and has a sense of atmosphere."

I listened to her talking like a machine gun and could only use every available space to say, "actually, I prefer the Chinese style, and I don't plan to make a cloakroom. After all, I live with my parents."

my friend didn't give up. She said I didn't understand. She told me not to do it like this. It was not good-looking, and such a good apartment was wasted.

We went to the building materials market for three times, the first time was advice, the second time was persuasion, and the third time my friend directly helped me pick out furniture.

I think she took care of it a little too much, and finally the two broke up in discord.

this kind of enthusiastic concern of a friend is self-righteous and well-intentioned, but he doesn't know it will offend others.

Gibran once said: "enthusiasm, once added" excessive ", is a flame of self-immolation."

enthusiasm towards others is of course good. Everyone likes others to be gentle to themselves, but if the enthusiasm goes too far, it becomes affectionate, brings bad feelings, and even makes people disgusted.

between people, appropriate care, give people warmth; excessive enthusiasm, boring.

being too enthusiastic is ultimately a disaster.

the most comfortable relationship is to be cool with each other

there is a question on the Internet: "what is your most comfortable state of life?"

there is a highly liked answer below:

stand in your own position, do your own things, and try not to cause trouble to others. Neither wronged themselves, nor owed others, each for his own safety, the two do not owe each other.

host Cai Kangyong, everyone's evaluation of him is "a warm and indifferent person".

he never attends other people's weddings or sends holiday greetings. When he meets someone he doesn't want to get along with in private, he quickly finds a gap to slip away.

Cai Kangyong automatically blocks things that have nothing to do with him.

in fact, the best relationship is to be cool with each other.

it doesn't need to see each other every day, nor does it have to chat with each other deliberately.

but, even if you haven't seen each other for a long time, you can talk eloquently, unrestrained, and calm when you are face to face.

as Liang Shiqiu wrote in "talking about Friendship": "the friendship between gentlemen is as light as water, because it is light, so it can not be greasy, can last."

the most comfortable relationship is not always lively, but can be cold, can not talk all the time, or can talk at any time.

like Cai Kangyong's sentence very much:

I don't think it's too warm, it's the best way to maintain a good relationship with others, and it's harder to be tied up by the word warm.

I advise you to be a cold person and learn to be indifferent so that you can be completely warm.

properly withdraw some of your enthusiasm to yourself, thinner and cooler, is the best way to get along with others.

May you be a cool person who understands people's hearts and has deep feelings for the rest of your life.